The Problem With Fear

Fear is a feeling. A feeling that arises from the belief that something, or someone, is dangerous or might cause you pain.

But that’s the problem with fear.

Fear, may not be real at all. It’s just a stream of constructed beliefs. It’s something we got used to, but that sometimes is not the real world. We believe that because it has happened many times, the things we fear will happen all over again. And that’s the premise of fear. We don’t want to experience the same pain, the same feeling of being threatened… of being hurt, again.

We are all victims of fear.

Fear has no logic, fear has no substance. Fear is just there, telling you that it will hurt you, that it will not be worth it, that it will be painful. But fear doesn’t tell you what might happen if you step on it. If you crush it. Fear doesn’t allow you to see the other side. Fear just shows you the worst and makes you believe it.

I used to -still-  have an intense fear of flying. I hate to fly. I’m scared of flying. I’m afraid the plane might crash or some extremist might use it as a weapon, I don’t know. But what I know is that, despite that fear, I have no other choice. I have to get to the place I need to get and flying is the only way. Will something happen to me? Nobody knows.

So why am I scared?

The fear is there. The idea that something bad might happen, will always be there. But what’s also very clear, is what will happen after I arrive to my destination (and that is the case most of the time). I will be where I need to be and will do the things I need to do. And fear will undoubtedly cease to exist. Until my next flight at least.

But then, why am I scared of flying?

Because what we fear rarely actually occurs, unless we allow it ourselves.

The thing with fear is not how much pain we are going to feel, or how hurt we are going to get.

Fear shows you how significant it is for you the thing that makes you feel scared.

I’m scared I might fail the test, because I won’t be able to become what I want and feel like a failure. I’m scared of a new relationship, because it might hurt or might not work out. I’m afraid to try, because things didn’t work out last time and I don’t want it to happen again and find out again, that love is not as perfect as I thought. I’m scared of my parents getting older, because it means they are closer to leaving me.

But if I pass the test, I will be one step closer towards my goals and I might not be the failure I once feared. If I give this person a chance, I might just have found someone very special. And because of how much I love my parents, I’m very scared. I’m scared of them leaving me.

Fear is a reminder of how much we care. Of how much we are afraid of losing, or never getting what we want. Of how painful it will be to actually confirm the belief that things are not and will not be how we want them to be.

Must of the time, we’d rather let fear consume us, than let it fuel us.

Because fear will always be there. But what you want and desire is also there.

The problem with fear is that it might no be real at all, but your dreams and goals are very, very real.